Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Don't cluck at me
Last night I had a patient of whom I can honestly say I didn't care for. Despite the humor related to my patients, I generally do like nearly every single one of those bowel-fixated gems. But once in a while, I get a patient who rubs me the wrong way. And makes me wish it was legal and ethical to smother them. (Remember, this is a humorous blog, not at all intended to be serious...or murderous...) At any rate, this one patient is a younger female, on a vent, who has become quite the manipulator. This description is her family's assessment and I completely concur. This gal, bless her heart, has limited muscular ability. She wiggles her eyes or eyebrows to indicate yes or no and I am pretty adept at asking the right questions to discern her needs. Well, maybe sometimes it takes more than twenty questions, but I never said I was a mindreader. This manipulator has a habit of clucking her tongue which sounds like a loud squirrel during mealtime. At first, I didn't mind. But after twelve hours of her clucking furiously for one thing after another, having me figure out a new request before I was finished with the last task left me wanting to run over every middle-of-the-road squirrel on the way home. And aim for a few on the sidewalks. I used to like the cute sounds of squirrels. Now I want to bring out my BB gun and silence them all. Do nurses experience post-traumatic-stress? You bet.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Yet another pee pee story
Recently, I had a patient of whom rang all.night.long. to use the bedside commode. In the morning, I had already given report and was headed out the door intent on enjoying a sunshine snooze. The patient in 13 had other ideas. As I collected my things I heard the insistence of the call bell ring-ting-tinging away. Despite my internal warning bell hammering at me to let the tech get it, I set everything down and wearily entered the House of Urine.
I assisted 13 to the bedside commode and waited as she took her bladder for a walk and left a few kids off at the pool. Then I got her snuggled back into bed. Not one to leave a mess for others, I figured I would quickly empty the bucket and then scoot out the door. Ah, but no. Some joyful wingnut left some kind of plastic inner liner in the bucket which caused the Niagara of Bowels to rush out, skid along the rim of the toilet and land squarely on my sneakers. Sneakers which are generously vented on the top to reduce sweating.
I scooped up the poop and sopped up what little my socks and shoes did not suck in like a roll of the Quicker Picker Upper towels. No one had to ask when I walked by what had happened. The telltale squeaking of my smelly UTI shoes was all the information the laughing crowd at the nurse's station needed. Ah....I love my job.
I assisted 13 to the bedside commode and waited as she took her bladder for a walk and left a few kids off at the pool. Then I got her snuggled back into bed. Not one to leave a mess for others, I figured I would quickly empty the bucket and then scoot out the door. Ah, but no. Some joyful wingnut left some kind of plastic inner liner in the bucket which caused the Niagara of Bowels to rush out, skid along the rim of the toilet and land squarely on my sneakers. Sneakers which are generously vented on the top to reduce sweating.
I scooped up the poop and sopped up what little my socks and shoes did not suck in like a roll of the Quicker Picker Upper towels. No one had to ask when I walked by what had happened. The telltale squeaking of my smelly UTI shoes was all the information the laughing crowd at the nurse's station needed. Ah....I love my job.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I decided to answer Friday's Five with a nursing theme:
1. If you had a jar of peanut butter, what would you do with it:
I would put it on the roof of 317-2's mouth so that it gave him something to do rather than yell, "What's that? What are you doing?" every time I go in to see his roommate.
2. If you were to be creamated, where would you want your ashes to be and why?
Scattered over the college in which I am trying to get my next degree so that my spirit would somehow feel as if I were still attending classes.
3. If you could invent a flavor of jelly beans, what would it be?
"Be Nice To Your Nurse" so that it would remind patients that I am kind and helpful to them so they should return the sentiment. :)
4. If you could fly, where would you go?
Hawaii where I would learn to surf.
Lately, it seems, my patients have been wonderful, except, of course, a few who smudge the happy feelings like a water drop on a sheet of loose leaf paper. I had one patient the other night who is mentally challenged. He was so delightful, smiling and thanking me for each cup of juice. I was so taken with his utter glee that I sneaked him a piece of cake that one of the girls had brought in. It was okay with his diet but it is not generally acceptable to ply patients with nurses' food.
Then there was the guy who had an injury to his buttocks. He was well over 90 but was so modest that when I came in to assess him, he would not let me enter his room until he hurridly yanked the gown over his genitals. It was cute. At first. Until he insisted that I not be in the room while he stood to use the urinal. He was a fall risk. He had had a bad spill at home already. He was unsteady on his feet. Wobbly. Slipping. Sliding. No gripped socks were going to keep him upright without a helping hand. Yet he insisted that I not help him. Time and time again the alarm signaled me to his leaping out of the bed to try to pee before I came in. After six or seven times, it was not quite as funny as it was the first time. I tried compromise, asked others for ideas. We tried other ideas. Nope. The only one he opted for was me out of the room while he stood bedside inside the room. It was a long 12 hours. I nearly ran out without clocking out.
Many days, this job is rewarding. Some days it's a little tougher to enjoy nursing. But overall, it's a great career and serving others in their time of need can never be beaten...everything else would just be a job.
1. If you had a jar of peanut butter, what would you do with it:
I would put it on the roof of 317-2's mouth so that it gave him something to do rather than yell, "What's that? What are you doing?" every time I go in to see his roommate.
2. If you were to be creamated, where would you want your ashes to be and why?
Scattered over the college in which I am trying to get my next degree so that my spirit would somehow feel as if I were still attending classes.
3. If you could invent a flavor of jelly beans, what would it be?
"Be Nice To Your Nurse" so that it would remind patients that I am kind and helpful to them so they should return the sentiment. :)
4. If you could fly, where would you go?
Hawaii where I would learn to surf.
Lately, it seems, my patients have been wonderful, except, of course, a few who smudge the happy feelings like a water drop on a sheet of loose leaf paper. I had one patient the other night who is mentally challenged. He was so delightful, smiling and thanking me for each cup of juice. I was so taken with his utter glee that I sneaked him a piece of cake that one of the girls had brought in. It was okay with his diet but it is not generally acceptable to ply patients with nurses' food.
Then there was the guy who had an injury to his buttocks. He was well over 90 but was so modest that when I came in to assess him, he would not let me enter his room until he hurridly yanked the gown over his genitals. It was cute. At first. Until he insisted that I not be in the room while he stood to use the urinal. He was a fall risk. He had had a bad spill at home already. He was unsteady on his feet. Wobbly. Slipping. Sliding. No gripped socks were going to keep him upright without a helping hand. Yet he insisted that I not help him. Time and time again the alarm signaled me to his leaping out of the bed to try to pee before I came in. After six or seven times, it was not quite as funny as it was the first time. I tried compromise, asked others for ideas. We tried other ideas. Nope. The only one he opted for was me out of the room while he stood bedside inside the room. It was a long 12 hours. I nearly ran out without clocking out.
Many days, this job is rewarding. Some days it's a little tougher to enjoy nursing. But overall, it's a great career and serving others in their time of need can never be beaten...everything else would just be a job.
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