As a new nurse, I can tell you that there are many, many things that don't quite line up with nursing school "textbook nursing". In nursing school, we practiced inserting Foley catheters into perfectly proportioned female mannequins. On the nursing floor, well, those who need Foley's are usually almost past their expiration date. Things down in the pee pee area have lost their elasticity. They droop kind of like a cow's udders. And that can make it challenging to insert the Foley into the right hole.
Four of us went into an elderly female patient's room to utilize "sterile procedure" to relieve her bladder issues. Three held her down and her legs open. (It's surprising how strong a 90 pound octogenarian can be). I had the kit opened and was gloved, ready to follow the numbered procedures that I handily recalled from the nursing lab. But then I inspected her perineum for placement. Goodness gracious, it looked like a mound of sloppy flesh.
A seasoned nurse helped to guide me through the process. I was certain I had found the puckered area. No, she said, "Girl, that's her clit. Try lower." Surely, she was wrong. "No, look, it's a little hole, just like the urethra." "No, it's her clit. But go ahead, you can try," she sniggered. Of course, I was sure to get it on the first try. Except I was wrong. It was her clitoris. "Hey, you, get outta there!" the patient roared.
Here's a hint: at advanced ages, often the urethra is located up inside the vagina. In and up and you got it.
Once I saw urine, my nurse pal said, "put it in further, further" to which the patient replied, "If you put it in any further, it's going to go through my tongue."
Note to self: avoid inserting Foleys on anyone over the age of 50.
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